tales from the front

who goes there? squirrel shouted, mimicking a quick two step, tossing his lit butt to the mud. it was the midnight shift of guard detail in the pouring rain. the road to Berlin had been long and tenuous. there was no reply. squirrel fingered his bolt action Comanche weapon. Halt, he shouted in the drizzle. The rain was indifferent. Squirrel fired a warning shot into the air, his paws shaking. Then Damian emerged from the brush, "fuck mate, you scared me pants off" Damian pronounced. In the faint light of morning Squirrel saw that Damian had been clutching a copy of the latest playboy featuring Marilyn Monroe. He could also see that Damian pants were actually off. "Just trying to steal away some private time, mate" Damian spewed by way of explanation

squirrel's back to this digital simian jungle. is he hoarse from the journey back from the underworld? totally. but revival is revival. 2nd incarnation, whatever, 2.0, whatever dude. this is the formative word, this is the digital oblivion. drink up that nutty, milky horchata. let it soothe your mucus lining. COME warm your extremities by the radiator. COME sit on its brink. THERE IS MUCH TO DISCUSS

narwhale encounter take 4

u know who lives here why did u knock?

dude, i

listen james, u fuckwit, i think it's time we

narwhale, please, don't

james, u scarecrow lookin,

narwhale, it's not my fault, i never- it wasn't my re-spons-i-bility in the

CUT

no rest for the heavily sedated chimp

i am demonized by modernity, squirrel proclaimed in a harsh voice above the roar of the rig's 16 cylinder engine. they were speeding towards Topeka, through the heartland of the Pennsylvania dutch, vigorously blowing away intrepid Amish entrepreneurs on equine models. where did squirrel hitch this ride? somewhere north of jackson, florida. and the truck driver, josh, was a skinny nervous chap wearing high heels and listening to jackson browne tapes while cruising the expressways of the eastern plate. they shared a doobie, and squirrel attempted to finish the long winded introspective speech he'd begun 10 minutes earlier, while josh nodded his head and slammed his fist against the wheel to the jackson browne beat and his high heeled spike to the gas pedal "why must u (meaning katie couric, ALLAH, L magazine, dinosaur jr.) be so harsh in your declamations? it's a goddamn hanging verdict, josh! can u anticipate it- 12 angry men- a goddamn death sentence for my species, dude

the new i phone allows the user to communicate with the dead

u r portable;

squirrel issues the following demands in the name of our holy father Squid (Syd to friends & followers alike)

Whole Foods- u are hereby commanded to adhere to the precepts of the radical vegan agenda. u know what this will require. ALL SHOPPING BAGS & COUPONS MUST BE PRODUCED FROM HEMP LEAVES. NO LONGER WILL YOUR SUSHI BAR BE ALLOWED TO THRIVE. INSTEAD IT WILL BE REPLACED BY AN EXERTION MACHINE (HARVESTER OF GOODWILL) FOR HUMANS WHO HAVE FAILED TO RECOGNIZE THE ABYSMAL HYPOCRISY OF NANCY DREW AND NANCY REAGEN

MAYOR BLOOMBERG- u must replace Alexander Hamilton's grave on wall st. with the grave of Edward Abbey. what u do with Alexander Hamilton's earthly remains is up to your own discretion.

we will not stop until there is a juicer in every household (farmingdale included, corpus christi you are not immune)

the sommelier's finger got lost in the juicer