AS A MATTER OF FAC SQUIRREL IS BACK

I emerged from the chasm. Where have I been you ask? The short answer is that I fell. I fell in a deep dark never-ending void. When you are a squirrel, or if you are just very small in general, it is sometimes easy to fall in things. You have to be very careful. My Uncle Quester once fell into a pool of lava. That was a long time ago in Hawaii. What? You didn’t know there were squirrels in Hawaii? Apparently neither did the authorities at lava flow national park. On the long duplicitous walk through the depths of an active volcano, those incompetent fuckers, they forgot, or so their lawyer argued, “forgot”, to consider the idea that someone under 12 inches might want to take their little tour- and if he should do so with all his family to watch and take pix, including one right before the “accident” where Quester is smiling and laughing, then the poor soul would fall through the mother- fucking cracks of the gang way into the spewing crackling lava! This has nothing to do with the chasm that I have emerged from, however. No, my hole was much darker, much more sinister. Less natural, you might say. You see, for some time now, I have been experimenting with a certain experimental mind altering formula which I believe has the capacity to transform a squirrel into a fly and vice versa. In the course of my research, I found that I needed a test subject. As an adamant objector to inhumane treatment of animals, I of course looked to the first place one would look- my brother Paulus, a halfling. As one who is half squirrel half human, he was in a unique position to test my new device.