i am going to start a new website. it is called unter dem wasser. it will deal with contemporary rabbinical/ canonical/ killa cam issues. stay tuned.


Don’t be a stranger
Don’t be a Texas Ranger
I am a changer
Of batteries

magnus:
stare at the TV screen
what does it all mean?

Thomas:
I am a teen
my friends call me bean

Justin:
Wanna go out on the scene
gotta spend some time to preen

Squirrel, there are two types of people in this world, squirrel, squirrel, are you listening….



I rap in installations
I love clay-mations
and glue
Accumulate bar mitzah invitations
doo doo
Hackey sack is my vocation

I spend so much time on the internet that I figured I would ask if any one has seen my dog? he went missing several days ago. Here is a photo:

I am thriving

Somebody get me to a Rabbi Even the weirdo Hasidic thinks I am a Rabbi Maybe I am a Rabbi Do you know where the Rabbi lives

There I was, like the rest of us, in the baths recovering from the TB inoculation. When, weirdly enough, I started getting this itching irritation all over my fur. It was actually changing color before my eyes, from luscious brown to a dark purple stain. It was horrifying. Then I bought the product and it went away. Then it came back. Then I had an operation and it was gone. The lesson of this story really is, if you absolutely need to get inoculated for TB, make sure the vaccination they are giving you actually is TB.

READ MY BLOG

heres why you should do it

- it is informative and will keep you up to date on current events
- it is snarky and willing to take risks
- it discusses events from all walks of life, not just the high or low or middle, but all of them
- it will teach you yoga
- it will tech you how to cook better
- it will teach you how to love better (by which i mean fuck better, male libido enhancement, and also female techniques)
- ?

do you really need more reasons

Elegy for the fountain, where it was

I remember when I was a freshman and I saw the Bouncing Souls along with Little Steven play nearby the fountain, actually I think they played under the arch, which is staying where it is. It would be too much work to move the whole arch. Wouldn’t that be crazy if they moved the arch instead of the fountain? It would make no sense. Someone told me once that a homeless dude had told them that the fountain served as a bathroom, for shitting mainly but also I guess for washing, for much of downtown’s homeless population, and wasn’t it stupid how all these kids and tourists would frolic in the fountain. I never really wanted to frolic in the fountain anyway. It’s a little gay, like the sound of music or something, unless you are a kid. I wonder will homeless people shit in the new fountain or will they find another old fountain. There are actually quite a few fountains around, more than you might think.

Do you see squirrel?

He is there hanging in the park, by the bushes. Him and the bros are playing dice for acorns shards, always hustling, calculating.

This park ain’t what it used to be though

Soon there’s not gonna be any of us guys around

They got all this new shit moving in. Royalty, like foxes and stuff. The pigeons are getting tossed out. They’re moving the fountain, which is where we all used to hang. I heard they’re building some kind of high profile dog park, which they have always been our naturally enemies, like class enemies. And there always get shit built for them and getting pampered and how gives a shit about the squirrels? Never seen a squirrel park get built. And you never will

- ok old, timer, what you say we head over to the watering hole, get us some H2o

- no, Joshua, leave me here. I want to be with my people for one last time

Which begs the question, who are you rooting for?

Oh me, come on, I don’t know I like having these guys around but the crime

AS A MATTER OF FAC SQUIRREL IS BACK

I emerged from the chasm. Where have I been you ask? The short answer is that I fell. I fell in a deep dark never-ending void. When you are a squirrel, or if you are just very small in general, it is sometimes easy to fall in things. You have to be very careful. My Uncle Quester once fell into a pool of lava. That was a long time ago in Hawaii. What? You didn’t know there were squirrels in Hawaii? Apparently neither did the authorities at lava flow national park. On the long duplicitous walk through the depths of an active volcano, those incompetent fuckers, they forgot, or so their lawyer argued, “forgot”, to consider the idea that someone under 12 inches might want to take their little tour- and if he should do so with all his family to watch and take pix, including one right before the “accident” where Quester is smiling and laughing, then the poor soul would fall through the mother- fucking cracks of the gang way into the spewing crackling lava! This has nothing to do with the chasm that I have emerged from, however. No, my hole was much darker, much more sinister. Less natural, you might say. You see, for some time now, I have been experimenting with a certain experimental mind altering formula which I believe has the capacity to transform a squirrel into a fly and vice versa. In the course of my research, I found that I needed a test subject. As an adamant objector to inhumane treatment of animals, I of course looked to the first place one would look- my brother Paulus, a halfling. As one who is half squirrel half human, he was in a unique position to test my new device.

everybody make way the poets Genghis & Colloidal are comin thru. who goes first? take a swig from the ol' goatskin & pass it along. Hektor plays bongos.

Colloidal steps up, fiery eye, grunts

ODE TO THE lovesick mariner

- clear throat, hock one-

Chalet & crystal brocade
Florence Nightingale & Jamaica Kincaid
How can I convince u to endure the charade?
It’s like Neil Young said
A Man Needs A Maid

SACRIFICIAL ODE TO THE MORE
if you so incline
scour thine eyes with brine
DETERMINE THE VERACITY OF LIFE
and slaughter the pig with a knife

the greatest phallacy of the music biz is that baby one more time IS about the music biz. in other news, the flying squirrel suit we have been testing scored some major coverage in the Times. too bad u r too pussy to jump.

also, magnus funeral is sunday.

if anyone is curious to attend that will be a post-life reception at Dana's. Thin man is barred. the outcry was too great and we are looking into prosecution.

if Ezekial ever gets back we should have some sports coverage around here too

my new girlfriend Laurena is also sorta freaking me out about what she said happened with her X

but Doktor what about
- i'm sorry Lucille it is terminal
but Herr Doktor what about the new experimental treatment i have heard
- that treatment is highly unpredictable and the side effects are as yet
DOktor i have heard of the miracles that are performed in these clinics in Thailand and South Korea. when you go in u r and
- Lucille, i must persuade u not to go down that route. as i said, the procedure is highly unstab-
but Doktor what choice do i have? what choice do i have Doktor? u and your medical bills have depleted my income and my strength. if i can secure the capital Thailand is the only place that offers a glimpse of hope, shimmering from aloft the Buddhist statue in downtown- i must go there and meet my one fate of finally receiving a cure for my pancreas

epilogue
thin man where is the haunting power of your rigid oppression now? now that all those around you, all those who u once knew and LOVED have passed unto the other world? Lucus is gone, bastardized by the Anglicans. Trinity is gone now, having become so fearful of your wrath that she joined up for the ballistics division of the frog men. finally magnus, as u know thin man, magnus starved in that hovel, alone and dejected.he is locked in the spare battery hole, shivering, subjected to visions of urchin cartoons, the satire that dominates the space in his head. like u dominate the space in trinity's. oh it is a bitter love triangle that ended up like a pastrami sandwich, two thin slices and the meat hollowing ou

because jayson could not let him out. jayson was incapable of lifting a finger to emancipate magnus because u cut off those fingers. u tortured and disFINGERED jayson blare and finally terminated him for all the world to see. but where has it gotten u is the question that we face as the curtain begins to unravel? u, THING man, are the living dead because everything u touch will dry up.

thin man laughs at the meta narrative. this is all so touchstone, he says. u dolts, i am freer now than ever because i ecompass the

- by the way, herandez (he interrupts), don't tilt your head that way, the camera is over here, not over by the scallion cream cheese on the gtable

nuck if u buck
NUK IF U BUICK

REQUIEM FOR A 'TWEEN


WHO DO U TRUST?
MY EYE IS COVERED WITH CRUST
I PROMISE I WON'T MAKE A FUSS
IF.............................................................................
(sign on dot)

ACT 3 SEARCH & RESCU OPERATION

tell me Jayson Blare, u impostor, where is he hiding (thin mad barely containing his rage). jayson, we know that u have been cavorting with Magnus. u have been seen, that u r fostering him in yr home. there are allegations of a secret trap door leading to a furnished basement, where magnus sleeps. and u pass him his food- tuna steaks, whatever, thru the shaft. i command U NOW JAYSON BLARE_ OPEN THE SHAFT. EXPOSE MAGNUS> WHILE U CAN STILL DO SO OF YOUR OWN FREE WILL BECAUSE THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES TO NOT COOPERATING

jayson blare- i cannot do what u wish thin man i am incapable because i would rather die than expose a true friend. magnus is what is called a friend to me, which i don't think u ever know because all u have is "pets"

thin man- then we will tear this place apart in a search and rescue operation and if u are caught red handed, so to speak, harboring the fugitive then u will be sentenced to utmost death

END ACT #

what is yr domain name?

PT II out on the street
my only advice for u, dear boy, is to engage the racist dialectic of history. that is where ur parents are.

entreaties to failure

upcoming quiz

the thin man sat stroking his pet, Magnus

i don't mean to be brutish, magnus. i don't mean to offend, but really magnus, stop doing that thing with grinding yr teeth. it is, u chew like a cow magnus. i am frank- u chew like a cow. u r where we draw the line between man and cow. subspecies hybrid.

magnus, obviously offended- how long have we been together thin man? this is approaching 12 years, and miraculous only since the last 2 days do u condemn my chewing. what i don't eat in the past 11 years 11 months? like i was on a juice diet? u think my teeth have grown too large for my jaws? my inseams gargantuan? in fact, thin man, i have given up being yr pet. i resolve to leave this shit-hovel. look at the shower curtain. there is a capital of filth, ooze. i am taking my aloe plant with me. u keep the tortoise.

thin man- magnus don't! im sorry. im just in a bad mood. i had a really really bad day at work is all.

u treat me like shit, and i am fed up thin man, THING MAN

good 'ole Wladimir, the life insurance salesman, interceded in the argument
- magnus, come on, where will u go? u have no family but thin man. there aren't options.

MAGNUS- anything is better. the street is better than daily harassment. the subjection to torturous critique. every this and that is wrong. i am, after all, somebodies child, and more than a pet. i will find my true parents.

CURTAIN END OF ACT !