the new i phone allows the user to communicate with the dead

u r portable;

squirrel issues the following demands in the name of our holy father Squid (Syd to friends & followers alike)

Whole Foods- u are hereby commanded to adhere to the precepts of the radical vegan agenda. u know what this will require. ALL SHOPPING BAGS & COUPONS MUST BE PRODUCED FROM HEMP LEAVES. NO LONGER WILL YOUR SUSHI BAR BE ALLOWED TO THRIVE. INSTEAD IT WILL BE REPLACED BY AN EXERTION MACHINE (HARVESTER OF GOODWILL) FOR HUMANS WHO HAVE FAILED TO RECOGNIZE THE ABYSMAL HYPOCRISY OF NANCY DREW AND NANCY REAGEN

MAYOR BLOOMBERG- u must replace Alexander Hamilton's grave on wall st. with the grave of Edward Abbey. what u do with Alexander Hamilton's earthly remains is up to your own discretion.

we will not stop until there is a juicer in every household (farmingdale included, corpus christi you are not immune)

the sommelier's finger got lost in the juicer