the man somersaulting throughout the subway aisle, pole vaulting on the express train, whispered something cursory in my ear.
what did he say Uncle Likud?
the man said
"i know if it wasn't for my butt, i wouldn't be making all this money"

the man with no legs rummaging through the subway aisle, thrusting his stubs off the floor & heaving, whispered something cursory in my ear

posied to conquer?

i slammed my audition for true life- i'm in fat camp. i gargled with ketchup- that one really impressed the judges. also, i told them about how my father used to call me Umberto the clam man, and all the other horrid names- like slime. i guess i really can pull off the role of an obese 16 year old from New Providence. keep yr fingers crossed for me- call backs are on Thursday!

meanwhile, i fessed up to my parole officer about a crime i witnessed while shopping for a juicer;

they went into hot topic and stole 12 social distortion t-shirts, edible undies, and a fat records comp. they were wearing t shirts about leonard peltier and spoke with south African accents

10,000 michael douglas fans really can't be gay

ethnographic charades for the jet set. the latest macrobiotic installment from modern day Parker brothers (dwarf Olsen twins) AB & BR- starring one hairy, filthy stunt man, 3 ravenous billionaire elves, an escaped psychopath and a bad glass of chardonnay. in all its threshing glory (& gory)=

http://zimmerfidget.com/studios/24Hours/Film16_PAGE.htm

behold this year's answer to MYSTERY, ALASKA or GOOD-FELLAS meets SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE

what other shit is new? my acting career is going great. my agent says it really lends cred that i have an actual rap. sheet. i think i am gonna have a gig with law and order SVU coming up some time soon- keep y'all posted about that. something about a female embryo stealing ring. the only draw back is that the limitations of my parole state that i cannot ingest any diary products for a period of 26 months and just one violation is gonna get me thrown back in Attica for at least 7 new moons (that's like 3 months according to the Judeo-Christian calender). i am worried that this is gonna negatively effect my budding acting career

also pls don't forget ANTHONY HOPKINS REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP. love & vivacious submission- squirrel XOXOXOXOXOXO

do u speak urdu? teaky wood coffin

teaky wood sex edict

TEAKY WOOD SEX EDICT;
from the highest mouth-

i took a wheatgrass shot at dawn and built an altar of teaky wood. i placed sage on the altar's brim and burned precious oils- castor oil, canola oil, grapeseed oil. i roasted acorns on the holy mountain flame and ingested the body of Raj (Ahmed priase Raj the anointed one, Raj the truth and reconciliatory diva). All this could not protect me from my doppel-ganger- Phalanx and his troop of insurgent Lufthansa flight attendants.

i woke up from my dream in a cold sweat. it was not a troop of Lufthansa mavericks on my tail. i reached to the place, my tail was still there. the altar of teaky wood was no where in sight.

squirrel project for a new American century is defunct. the ideologues were proved to be syphilitic. the grand illusion was squashed like a boiled black bean underfoot. we are living in the space between the crushing and the bean- the worst possible spot to occupy if you are a mammal. if there were a god, he would help us if we paid the right amount in sexual favors. even that is tragically forlorn. the nuts we had stowed away for winter are rotten; creepy crawling day-glow maggots suckle the pus.

encounter with god

the swami positioned himself on the pillow mountain, his gray hair drawn back in a pony tail, tied with a bright pink tassel. "young devotees," the great man spoke in a squeaky voice reminiscent of one of the three chipmunks, "follow me in prayer," AGASHNU AGASHNU AGASHNU. with that the room exploded in a succulent eruption of powerful high strung voice- AGASHNU AGASHNu AGASHNU. three thousands squirrels alone together, reaching up towards the heavens in the Swami's fifth avenue hut- paws through cracks in the glistening mud strewn pavement (this dirty, dirty crust we call Elijah). i have never felt so ravished, so exorbitantly used. ezra, bet your sorry you missed this one you slimy okra fucker.

woah that was so random. i just ran into my old friend from pre-k in c block. i used to know him as wolfie, but now he goes mainly by the nick-name Titus (the torturer). we used to play hop-scotch near the revolving doors outside Staples super center. now he is planning a prison out break. Titus says he needs more muscle. Should I get involved? this could seriously f up my parole options. i don't really have a choice because titus says he will poison me unless i comply.

Marv Albert Senstation

Rashid the fucking tyrant, Rashid the sensation. Rashid is going on a speaking tour ladies and gents and he'll be hittin' up your university some time this winter (provided your student senate will condone and shell out the necessary nuts for his momentous visit to campus). on the agenda- Rashid's brief stint as lead singer of black flag, his run for new jersey state senator and founder of legalize Oxycodone movement, transcendental mediation, announcer of XFL. don't miss this once in a lifetime opportunity to recognize how abysmally insignificant your life is in comparison to a titan of culture- RASHID

release the four-legged creepy crawlers to the otherworldly practice with Candy- summer= dogged practice, Bikram submission, Vinyassa.

now that that's off my furry chest=
jail is alright. i got a job in the kitchen mixin grits. it is a good position when i need to kill someone because i can easily poison their ration with hemlock. if all goes according to plan, i expect to be out in 22 months. hasta la vista- squirrel

where have all the squirrels gone? used to be teeming the hallways, scurrying around under the floorboards. now only dead hides- all been sacrificed to the thunder gods to assuage the lascivious RAGE

girlfriend in a coma

rise from the dust thou young coriander seed. the elusive future resides there- across the bridge, over the bend, make a right at the stop and shop, it's about 5 miles down next to the Staples stationary outlet. can't miss it. i never been there myself but driven by it loads of times. alright now, good luck son

jad fair/ tad fiend/ QUINTUS

controted & twisted playing twister. there is nothing to do in this cell except play games.