a chapter from the autobiography of olbert

i came to this country in 1897, following the potatoe famine and the czarist revolution in lithuania. i didn't have any money for a ticket so i stowed away on a german ocean liner called the lufthansia. for 7 weeks while we were crossing the atlantic i survived on butter cookies and apple juice which i found a plenty in the ship's hold. it was not so boring down there. i became friendly with several rats with whom i'd occasionally share my ration of butter cookies. there was one female rat, elke, who i would paint in the nude. how pleasing was her perfect bushy tail! i painted her in the ample morning light- i painted her in the evening, her yellow eyes illuminated by the last rays of the dying sun. i painted her dozens of times and we made love but when her rich husband edmond caught onto the affair he forbade her to see me and challenged me to duel. i fought him and severed his tail but he lived. when we landed on ellis island i had to wait for days on line. when i finally got to the head of the line i was examined by a mean old man with gingivitis. i had to give him my last scheckl in order to enter the states. on the docks i found work as a longshoresman.